Are you in a relationship and wondering if the guy you are with is the one God has for you? Is he the one that God wants you to marry?
There are ways that you can discern if he’s the one God has for you or if you need to let this relationship go.
If you are valuing your relationship with God and spending time renewing your mind in His Word, you will have an inner peace that confirms the relationship.
If you have a lack of peace about the relationship, that may be a red flag that this is not the one God has for you. The Holy Spirit will lead you through this inner witness of peace.
In addition to the lack of peace, there are other ways that you can tell if he’s not the one God has for you. There are warning signs, and I highly encourage you to pay attention to them.
Here are 5 signs that he may not be the one God has for you:
1. His Relationship with God is Not His Top Priority
If the man you are dating is not pursuing God with his whole life, this is a major sign he may not be the one God has for you, or it may not be the right time for marriage.
Having a thriving, successful marriage is going to take commitment and hard work. But even more important than that, it’s going to take a dependency on God.
It doesn’t matter how wonderful your dating relationship is, there are things that will happen in life that will challenge your marriage. Only couples that are submitted to God and His Word have a fighting chance at remaining a happy, flourishing couple.
Unless the person you are dating wants the things of God and values the things that God values, there’s going to be a whole host of problems down the road.
There is an enemy on this earth named Satan that hates marriage and wants to destroy any Godly relationship. Marriage is a powerful union, and I can guarantee that the enemy will seek to break up your marriage in one way or another.
If the person you are in a relationship with has priorities higher than the call of God on his life, the devil is going to be able to get in there and really mess things up, causing much destruction and heartache.
Does the person you are in relationship with spend daily time with the Lord? Is he always renewing his mind to the Word of God? Does the Bible have the final authority in his life? If the answer to these questions is no, I would recommend proceeding in this relationship with extreme caution.
2. He Doesn’t Value Marriage
If the person you are dating does not place a high value on marriage, he may not be the one God has for you.
Marriage is a serious commitment, and should be treated with the highest honor and respect.
To make a covenant before God to love, honor, and remain faithful to another person is not something that should be treated lightly.
The decision regarding who you will marry is a serious decision with life-altering consequences. He should be just as serious as you are about making sure he is marrying the right person. He should be serious about the decision to commit his life to someone.
Marriage is an extremely honorable covenant in the eyes of God. It is held in very high esteem. God has a destiny for your life and your marriage.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; Hebrews 13:4
If your husband makes jokes about marriage or makes comments that make you think he is not looking forward to marriage, this indicates that he does not value marriage the way God does and you may need to take a step back.
3. He Has a Wandering Eye
This should be a given, but I am surprised at how many women think that once they get married, their man’s wandering eye will somehow magically stop. If your partner is constantly checking out other women, beware! This will not stop just because you get married, and is a sign of something deeper going on in his heart.
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28
A mature, godly man should be able to notice a beautiful woman without lusting after her. There is no need for a man to look at a woman’s body. This kind of “looking a woman up and down” comes from lustful thoughts.
Your significant other should be able to notice another woman and keep his eyes on the woman’s face. There is no need to look at her body shape and bodily features.
If the person you are in a relationship with is looking at women’s bodies, this is a huge red flag that they could be unfaithful to you in the long run. A godly man should view and treat other women as sisters, not objects.
4. His Friends Are Not Committed Christians
It doesn’t matter how great you think your man is, if his friends are losers, beware!
Who a person chooses to be friends with says so much about who they really are and who they are becoming.
The Bible says that a companion of fools will be destroyed (Proverbs 13:20). If your boyfriend’s friends aren’t men of integrity who love the Lord and value marriage, I would be concerned. People become who they hang around.
There is a quote by Jim Rohn that says something along the lines of “you are a product of the five people you spend the most time with”. If all of your boyfriend’s friends are ungodly, this should be a major concern.
There’s another quote that says “show me the five people you hang around the most, and I’ll show you your future”. Look at who your boyfriend spends the most time with. This will tell you the direction that his life is likely heading.
Men who desire to become successful, honorable men should have mentors in their life. People that he is desiring to learn from and become like should be regularly involved in his life.
If the guy you are dating has people in his life to teach him and hold him accountable as he grows, this is a good sign that he wants to become what God has called him to be.
Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
5. His Actions and Words Don’t Match
If your significant other is one way around you, and another way around other people, pay attention with caution.
Your boyfriend should be the same person whether he’s with you, his friends, his mom, or his pastor. He should be the same man no matter where he is or who he’s with.
If the guy you are in a relationship with tells you one thing and then does another, be aware that this lack of integrity is going to continue throughout your marriage and will inevitably cause big problems in the relationship.
You should be able to trust that what he says he’s going to do, he will do. You should be able to know that who he says he is with his words matches up to how he behaves.
Don’t Overlook These Warning Signs
Sometimes when we are dating, we can overlook these small things because we are in love. But five to ten years down the road, you will wish you had paid attention to these small signs and lack of integrity before it turned into a major relationship failure.
A man that really loves you will be honest with you, even to his own hurt or embarrassment.
A real man will do what he says he’s going to do. His actions show that he is a man of integrity who wants to be transparent and vulnerable in his relationship with you.
Don’t just believe everything a man says because you’re head over heels for him. His actions will show you what he really believes in his heart. If he loves you and values marriage, this will be evident in the decisions he makes. His actions are telling you the truth!